no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
