Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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