so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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