I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
