i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
