the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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