so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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