drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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