I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
