the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
