I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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