New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
