This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
