Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
