she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
