I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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