I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
