I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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