I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
