He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
