I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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