if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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