she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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