mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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