I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
