I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
