so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
