Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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