Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
