remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
