I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
