just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My feet surprised me
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