that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
