is your mom at the bar?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
where are my eyebrows?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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