I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
