You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize