Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
