scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
