I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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