how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
