I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
third nipple confirmed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
