My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize