I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize