Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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