He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
