I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
