3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
