Your tits are I can't wait for
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
