Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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