I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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