My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
