We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
