I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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