I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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