i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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