If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
