i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
