I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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