Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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