My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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