Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
