Its about making memories worth repressing
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
