i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
