also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
