I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
