He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
