Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
