So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
