i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
