he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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