Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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