I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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