Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
FUCK WHALES
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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