Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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