she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize