Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
