Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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