wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
