I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
vagina is talking i cant
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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