The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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