I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My feet surprised me
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