He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
