coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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