Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize