smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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