apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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