i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
