i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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