He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
