How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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