Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
