i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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