My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
