piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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