Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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