Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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