you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
