he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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