trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
