I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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