he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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