Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
