i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
